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Isabella Swan
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PostSubject: Thinking   Sat Sep 29, 2007 8:28 pm

Bella told the Cullens that she was going to sit alone in Edward's room because she had a lot on her mind. She asked for no interruptions. The wedding was coming up and she was starting to get a little overwhelmed because of it all. What if Jake never talked to her after she was changed? That would bother her because Jake is her closest friend and she didn't want to lose him. Losing friends wasn't something she liked because it made her feel like she wasn't a good friend and that she could never do anything right. Tears filled her eyes. Not long ago, Jake told her that he loved her. It hurt her to hear him say that because she knew that she could never make him happy. She would always love Edward and she knew that it hurts Jake to see her with Edward. She remembered the pain clearly that she saw in his eyes when she rejected his love. It hurt her to see him like that because she couldn't do anything about it.

Bella's thoughts moved to her marriage. Her grip around herself tightened as she thought about Charlie and Renee's feelings. What would they think of her? Many teenagers don't get married when they graduate high school. It's unheard of. Would they be angry with her? Would they hate her for it? Would they even go to the wedding? What would they think when she becomes a vampire? Bella's heart skipped a beat whenever she thought about becoming a vampire. She didn't know what to expect from the pain and she was terrified. She didn't want Edward to know that because he would refuse to let her become one if he knew. A thought entered a head. What if her mind wasn't private when she's a vampire? She didn't want Edward to know what she was thinking because she wanted to keep some things from him. Especially when it's something that could hurt him. Her thoughts were something special to her and she didn't want that to change. She enjoys torturing Edward because he always wants to know what she's thinking.

Bella's mind went onto another thought. Would the Cullens accept her when she becomes a vampire? They were used to her being fragile, clumsy, and funny. Would they still love her when she becomes perfect like them? Bella found it hard to think about being perfect. She didn't think that she would get used to being perfect. She loved to experience new things and she didn't want that to change. The Cullens have probably been everywhere in the world and experienced it all. What do they do in their spare time? There's nothing else in the world for them to do. She knew that Carlisle enjoyed his job so, he's fine. What about Esme? All she does is clean which isn't really enjoyable. Emmett finds everything in life to be funny so, he's entertained most of the time. Alice gets to see the future which probably entertains her too. Doesn't it all get old, though?

Tears burned her eyes once more. She was having second thoughts about being with her family forever. But how could this be? She loved them.

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Last edited by on Sat Sep 29, 2007 8:51 pm; edited 2 times in total
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Esme Cullen
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PostSubject: Re: Thinking   Sat Sep 29, 2007 8:38 pm

Esme day was uneventful today. All she did was clean even though she didn't need to. She then sat down and started reading 'One Tuesday Morning' by Karen Kingsbury. She picked it up and looked at it. 'I know I've read this one already but I'm so bored.' She thought and sat down with the book and started reading it.

Then she remembered she wanted to look at some house to rebuild as a get away for her and Carlisle, 'Thank God I remembered that, I was getting really bored.' She thought and then she put the book away and went up to Carlisle's office and got on his computer. She was going throught some old house when everyone arrived at the house. So she closed the page she was on and turned off the computer and went downstairs.

A little bit after she got down their Bella wanted to go up and think in Edward's room, 'That's weird.' She stared at Bella for a moment and then at Edward. He had a puzzled face but he let her. Esme let it pass for a moment and went and grabbed the book she was reading and read some more.

Esme had watched Bella go upstairs and she could tell that she was not in a good mood, or well she had a lot to think off, 'Maybe I should go up their, I could help.' Esme thought. So she finished the chapter in the book she was on and went up the stairs. Carlisle saw her and he just smiled. She kept going and she finally got to Edwards room on the third floor and she knocked and waited for her to anwser.

Esme was to impacient today to wait for Bella to anwser so she just went in and she had a sympatic look on her face and she came to Bella and sat next to her on the bed and Esme put her arm around Bella. "Dear what's wrong?" She asked in a sweet tone and hoped Bella would tell her, "I know this is probably a difficult time but would you please tell me or Edward, I think that it fritens him when you go off to think like you just did." Esme added in with that same sweet tone.
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Jacob Black
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PostSubject: Re: Thinking   Wed Oct 03, 2007 12:06 pm

(Poor Bella.)
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Esme Cullen
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PostSubject: Re: Thinking   Wed Oct 03, 2007 5:32 pm

Grrr.....Jacob!!!!!
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Isabella Swan
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PostSubject: Re: Thinking   Mon Oct 08, 2007 12:39 am

Bella looked at her future 'mother.' She didn't know how to explain it without worrying her. It's bad enough to know that Edward would ask her about this later and she would have to come up with a lie even though she didn't like to lie to him.

"I...I'm afraid," Bella whispered. "I don't know how my life will change when I'm turned into a vampire and I'm afraid to find out."

Bella hoped that Esme wouldn't repeat this to Carlisle later. She just wanted to keep this between Esme and herself. Bella was sure that she could trust Esme not to though. The Cullens all respected each other's privacy which really made her happy. Well, except for Edward. He's always reading people's minds, trying to find out what's going on in their head. Once again, Bella thought about the possibily of losing her ability to block Edward from her mind. There were some things that she didn't want him to know.

She looked at Esme. "Do you think that I will stay the same when I'm a vampire? I don't want anything to change about me. I want to be able to block Edward's power. I don't want him to read my mind."

Bella stared out the window and she couldn't believe that she was having this conversation with Esme. It was showing that Bella was weak when it came to big changes and she didn't like it. She turned to Esme and managed a smile.

"You know, never mind. I'm perfectly fine," Bella said, standing up. "Let's go downstairs. I'm sure everyone anxious to know if I'm alright."

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PostSubject: Re: Thinking   Mon Oct 08, 2007 1:08 am

Esme listened to what Bella had to say because she was like a mother to Bella like she was with Edward, Alice, Rosalie, Emmett, and Jasper. She knew how to listen to other problems. After Bella got done talking she got up. Esme stared at her for a moment and then she got up too.

Esme walked over to Bella (it was a short distance though) and she grabbed Bella in a hug. "It's okay Bella to feel the way you do. If I had a choice like you did before Carlisle changed me I would have probably been the same exact way dear." She said and pulled back. "Bella you do know that if you ever need to talk that I'm here right?" Esme asked Bella and Esme had her hands on Bella's shoulders. She smilied, "I bet you don't want me to tell anyone about this do you dear?" She asked Bella and they started moving towards the door.

'Poor Bella, I wish I could do more for her. But what could I do that would actually help because I can't say that I know what your going through because I haven't. I hope she gets through this and I hope she does become a vampire or atleast stays with Edward because it would kill me to see her away from here alive or...' Esme couldn't think the last word. She shuck her head to get that out and turned her head to smile at Bella, "So what are we going to do tonight?" Esme asked waiting for two anwsers to the one she just asked and the previous one about that Bella probably didn't want Esme to tell the others about what happened up here but Esme knew that Edward would be picking her brain for any details. 'God I hate that he can do that, I just wish he wouldn't do that to people when they are trying to themselves in their head. I hope you heard that Edward!' She thought. She looked at Bella and smiled again.

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